Wednesday, March 30, 2011

An Encore...

It would be an understatement if I told you I’ve simply been putting this off.   

I’ve been daydreaming about starting my blog again since January. Three months and two days have passed since my last post. So many times I’ve thought about pulling out my computer to write.  When funny or unexpected things happen to me, when I’ve figured something new out about myself or about the world, I think about the words I would compose to tell the story.

But I allowed those impulses to be fleeting thoughts because I was convinced that I needed some kind of external reason to start my blog up again.

My bizarre reasoning went something like this: I thought, “well I should start it on the first of the month, because that would make sense to start at the beginning of the month,” but then I got sick, so I thought, “once I’m over this cold I will start my blog,” but then I got busy, so I rationalized, “after mid-terms I’ll have all the time in the world and then I’ll start,” but then came job searching and spring break so I thought, “after I graduate, I’ll make a post-grad blog and THEN I will have a reason to have a blog again.” 

And the more I thought about starting my blog the more time I spent doing absolutely nothing.  The longer I pushed it off the more embarrassed I felt about pushing it off, which kept the momentum going.

It’s been three months.  Now it’s almost April and I’ve caught myself asking a reoccurring question: where did the time go? 

That question has never done me any good.  Questioning time has never done me any good.  I’ve been spending a lot of time in the future lately wondering about life after college and now I’m spending time in the past, anxious about how the last three months have flown by. 

It’s about time I spent my time in the present.  And it’s about time I accept that doing something for myself is reason enough to do anything.

Which is reason enough to start this blog again. 

I’m doing this for myself.  And I’m doing this for anyone else who is anxious in anticipation for what the future holds for them, or for what the past has left them struggling with.  This is a time to be spent in the present, enjoying each day, each week and each moment as it comes.   

As a senior my time as a college student is dwindling and I am choosing to see this time as an opportunity.  To tie loose ends, to be intentional about my relationships, to go on adventures and to reflect on this valuable time in my life that I won’t ever get back.

And so my challenges begin again.  Join me.  

My first challenge is starting my blog.  This will be the first of my six week long challenge. 

Is that kind of like putting a task on my to-do list that I’ve already completed?  Yes. But I enjoy the satisfaction of crossing it off my list… finally.